#OAP101 by Tosyn Bucknor

Listen to OAP 101 Episode 1 by TosynBucknor #np on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.com/tosynbucknor/oap-101-episode-1

#MondayMotivation When the past comes knocking

My past came knocking this morning, and I have no idea why.

I woke up, switched my phone on and suddenly I was getting mails from the past. Not sure what's up with yahoo but it's like someone broke the 'spam' or 'delete' button because I was getting mails I'm sure I must have deleted in 2011, mails about songs that were released in 2012, and mails about shows that have since aired and stopped, and some of these from accounts i thought i had blocked.
Like wtf?!

Don't you just hate when your past comes knocking?

The annoying thing about this situation was, I had to stop what I was doing then and focus on deleting and plugging whatever hole was leaking.

And isn't that what focusing on the past does to us? We ignore how good it is now and swear it must have been 'gooder' (as my lil cousin would say) in the past. Was it really though? Better back then?
And how can you truly move forward if you keep looking back?

I look back sometimes for analysis. If something worked back then, I wonder what I did differently and if it is possible to keep doing it, I incorporate it again. If something sucked back then, I also try to find out why, to avoid. What I don't like is when I get stuck on things I did wrong in the past.
I must confess, some of the mails i got this morning were great. Like one from a former assistant who now works in management. I did smile while reading some.

We can't fix the past. Some of the people we hurt have passed on or moved on. Some of the things we lost can never be brought back.
We can let the past be a reference that brings us joy or knowledge, but if the memory you are fixated on does neither, stop.

Life is meant to be lived, today.

#FashionFriday Green Green Green

It was my dad's birthday last week and we wanted to do celebrate with him with family members.

My sister got this super lush fabric for the girls from SAS Textiles and i loved it the second i saw it.
Green is a dodgy colour. Unlike say a red that has just that one main bold shade, different shades of green give different vibes and sometimes that deep green can leave you looking leafy.
Lol.

But not this one. It just popped and i was excited to hand it over to Jide (Mister Boya). When i first told him the style i wanted, i started with, "this will be boring...". When i was done, he said, yup! That's boring. *sigh*.
Then he showed me what he had in mind and it ticked my boxes (it is my dad's birthday so i want to look glam, but it is my dad's birthday so i will be doing a lot of kneeling and greeting people)

Once i tried it, i felt like a princess!

The beautiful things about this design and fabric is it did not too much in terms of accessorising. Simple drop ear-rings and rings and i was good.

Then the lovely Modupe of Make Up by Mogizzie came to do my make up and had her gele tied in this ultra chic style. I was just like, yup, gimme that!
And she did.

So, you can also be pretty in green, not just pink!

Once again, Gele and Make Up by Make Up by Mogizzie
Dress Design by Mister Boya
Fabric from SAS Textiles

Feel free to check them out.

A few good men and one bad system

This is random and I'm going to try hard to make it make sense.

So this phrase, 'a few good men' crept up on me when I read a tweet praising two of our current ministers. The 'tweep' said Buhari has at least two ministers who know what they are doing.

So I thought, "maybe all we need is a few good men".

But can that work though?

I told a friend once that if a good man enters an organisation where corruption reigns supreme, that good man will eventually get frustrated. He will be fighting a losing battle because people will hate and even sideline him.

Like take how when we are anywhere but here we tend to throw things in the bin, queue, respect privacy and do better than the second we land at Murtala Mohammed airport. Then suddenly we are throwing tissue on the floor and jumping queues.

I think bad systems will ruin good men, few or not. So Nigeria really needs systems. Be it in civil service or entertainment or governance. A few good men get frustrated in a big bad system...

What do you think?

#MondayMotivation It is not them, It is you

Hands up if you have ever been broken up with with the infamous line, "It is not you it is me"?

Yes, that line that attempts to make you feel better but just makes you feel like crap. They are right though. If you are in a good relationship with someone who just can't make it work, it really is not you, it is them. Sometimes, like that movie title, they are just not that into you.

The other version of a break up is when the person is done with the relationship but cannot bring themselves to end it so they stop calling you, and when you do call they do not stay on the phone for longer than neccessary. They won't ever invite you to anything nor acknowledge you and when you finally cannot take it any longer, you break up with them. (The really good actors by the way end up acting hurt and you become the bad guy).

Sometimes in life, we become that person. We are tired of a relationship, we hate our job or we don't want to be friends with a person again but instead of moving on properly, we just become difficult till they force an end.

Before you get to that point where you are getting to work late, not speaking with your colleagues and doing just what is expected of you but not more, check yourself. The reverse is also the case. "It is not me, is it them". I am not the one who has an issue, they are the ones who are *insert excuse or complaint you make here*.
And so because of that, instead of us to move on or get the things we want, we make excuses instead and stay stuck.

Ever employed someone that was just not good for the job? They had a great personality, they were friendly, they maybe even got you but you knew capacity wise, they did not have it. Somehow you continue hanging on making excuses like, "maybe they did not understand the brief", etc etc.
If you keep making excuses and nothing improves, then it is not them it is you.


I just think think that at some point in our lives, we have to accept that we need to make a change and if we do not, then we have noone else to blame but ourselves. If you are in a bad friendship for example where your friend uses you over and over again and you know something is wrong but do nothing about it, then guess what? It is no longer them, it is now you. That friend has no reason to 'let you go'. You have to make that move yourself.

Truth is we do not always get the chance to walk off into the sunset declaring we want our freedom and getting everything we want in life exactly as we want it. BUT! As much as you can, you have to fix things and accept that if you are in a crappy situation that you could have got out of, then it is not them... it is YOU