You will Never Win if you Never Compete...

Morning people,
I just recently wrapped up another #TosynBucknorDaily Giveaway and it was lit!

It was so impromptu that the success has me going like, "Wow, there is something here!"
While running it though, I came across 3 kinds of people and that inspired this post.

The first set of people saw the competition and quickly entered.
They went for it, took a chance and I am guessing probably one or more of these ones won because
- they got in earlier
- put themselves out there by asking other people to help like their posts
- probably had fun with it.

The other set hesitated. I got a few comments like, "Should I bother? But I do not have many followers" etc.
Hesitating to consider things is not wrong. You can always sit down and consider the options but from this set, a few joined the first set and went for it, but majority went in for the other set. The one below.

The third set either started off like the second but decided to give in to their fears, doubts and cynicism. They decided not to go for it. Some others immediately pointed out the flaws in the competition and kept asking us to change the rules. In the end, they did not enter.

In all of these three sets of people I learnt something.

From the first set, I learnt that you truly miss a 100% of the shots you do not take. Instead of never competing and therefore never winning, once in a while, take the first step and like Nike, do it!

From the second set, I learnt the value of thinking and weighing my options. Not every-time act first; sometimes think, plan then execute. It is not that they did not have fears or doubts, it is just that those who still went for it, did it, INSPITE OF. And is that not what we are always taught? To do things INSPITE of our fears and anxiety?

From the final set, I learnt the danger of removing myself from a situation without even trying.
When you have nothing to lose (the competition simply required a repost with the winner being chosen based on likes and as such would cost nothing), why not go for it? If you remove yourself from every game, how can you ever play to win?

What do you think?

#MondayMotivation How to UNLearn

If I asked what you learnt recently, you would probably have a million responses.

What if I switched it up and asked what you UNlearnt recently?

There you may hesitate and look at me like I was mad.

I do believe though that life is about 

- Learning

- Unlearning, and 

- Relearning.

Let me explain.

The average person will learn something new everyday, either while on our daily commute, while watching or reading the news, or from something online.

I recently learnt that President Macron of France will be visiting Ghana, Burkina Faso and Ivory Coast while covering the news for Kwesefied. (I then wondered, 'what happened to Naija na?!')

French President, Emmanuel Macron

But i digress.

Learning is easy, especially if we open ourselves to it.

ReLearning is also easy. There are things we have learnt before that we either take for granted or do not use and so must relearn them. I for example, had to relearn how to move my arm after I fractured it and wore a cast for weeks. The first day the cast was taken off, the doctor and nurse said, "Move your arm" and I thought I was doing it but guess what? My arm was NOT moving.

I then had to undergo a series of physiotherapy sessions to RElearn how to move my arm.

That was not fun I can tell you.

What may be fun or not fun depending on our attitude to it is UNlearning.

Imagine you grow up thinking something and 'knowing it for sure', then growing up and finding out you were wrong!

There are people who still argue the earth is flat while most say it is round.

If you do not open yourself up to letting go of wrong or false information you have, you may find yourself stuck in the mud and not growing. Learning, Unlearning and Relearning are all essential aspects of growth.

Can you s.h.a.r.e one thing you recently Learnt, Unlearnt or Relearnt, with me?

#MondayMotivation Even if NEPA takes light, a Fridge should not become your Wardrobe

There is a common joke in Nigeria about how when the power situation gets so bad, the fridges and freezers lose their initial use and get turned into wardrobes. That is what I thought of the second I stumbled upon this quote by Benjamin Franklin for my Instagram Quote of the Day - "Hide not your talents, they for use were made; what's a sundial in the shade?" 

Of course Benjamin Franklin is old and not an African so we probably do not use nor know much about sundials but we still understand it for what he means- things (and talents) should be used as they were intended and not buried away.

What are the top 3 things that keep us from letting our light shine?
From what I know, it usually has to do with Fear (of failure or rejection), Laziness (and its cousin, Procrastination), and Lack of Confidence (How dare I do something this big).

If you are troubled by one or all of the above, then think about this
- It does not matter how old, big or strong you get, fear rears its head. What you must do is let fear drive and not stop you. As Omilola Oshikoya says, do it AFRAID!

- There are simple tips and tricks that can help get your laziness and procrastination under control if that is your handicap. Once you acknowledge your flaws, you can then work around them. Do not let a negative flaw you have hold you back ever.

- What can we achieve by refusing to dream big or aim high? As they say, dreams are free so why not just dream big?

I hope this helps you? Just remember that you have your talent for a reason. Let your light shine. I cannot say this enough.
What is one thing you can do this week to showcase your talent? Leave a comment below!

#MondayMotivation Pressure will take you from Coal to Diamond... Welcome It

My #MondayMotivation quote is by Henry Kissinger- "A diamond is a chunk of coal that did well under pressure".

I like it because it is one of those posts you see all the time so that it is when it comes true that you know how true it is. I know, I used 'true' twice. 

Until the test comes, we stay doing, thinking and saying the same thing, and that is why, no matter how uncomfortable change may be, it is welcome.

I have a friend who like many of us, thrives on deadlines. She won't study, work or do her stuff till the very last hour or week and she once told me that anytime she finishes her work before a deadline, it feels like the work isn't as good. 

Is that ideal? Probably not. It is an example though of how we need something major to squeeze the best out of us and actually show just how much we can take. Like with working out? 
People will tell you that every time you build your tolerance to a point where say, a 30 second plank, no longer stresses you, then you increase it.

Is pressure fun? No. 
Next time you are faced with pressure though, whenever you can, smile... It is just making sure you come through like Rihanna sang- 'shining bright like a diamond'.

#MondayMotivation But where is the action?

"Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit." Conrad Hilton.

I remember when i was younger and wanted to be taller.
Somehow, society convinces us that being short is something we should be ashamed of or want to change. Why? Short, Tall, Medium... who cares?

That is not what this post is about though. I was short and an uncle once told me- if you want to get taller, eat more beans, but not just any kind of beans. Eat the beans with weevils.

 So i did. Diligently. I asked for beans and more beans. Did i get taller? Check my Instagram then answer that question yourself. Lol.

 What i do know though is i made an effort.

Imagine if all i did was wake up, eat, think and sleep WISHING i was taller?

We have dreams, dreams of things we want to see come true but the only way to see some kind of reaction, is to actually have action.

Sitting down and really really really wanting it, no matter how cute or sweet, will oftentimes not get us anywhere closer to our wishes.

Getting to a destination requires actually putting one foot in front of the other as we walk, or driving in a car, or flying or... you get my point.

#MondayMotivation Maybe what matters is what you say about yourself, not what they say about you.

I do not know why but this sentence, 'Just because they play the music does not mean you have to dance to it' keeps presenting itself to me.
Or maybe i do know why.

It is easy to get caught up sometimes in what has been said or will be said about you. If i do abc, they will say xyz, or, they say i am uvw... It is a lot of ' they said ' and 'they will say' which my friends, can be crippling for you.

It is possible that some of the things people say about us are, maybe slightly exaggerated but true all the same. They may be right that you are lazy or a quitter, not the funniest nor the most put together. It does not however make it all true, nor less deserving of success.

People may question you, laugh at you or brand you a failure but the truth is, until you yourself say these things, then you are not losing.

While taking advice and striving for perfection is a good thing, do not let what people say become true by giving it life yourself.

Once again remember, maybe what matters is not what people say about you, but what you say about yourself. What are you saying?

#MondayMotivation Are you really angry or just hungry?

Don't laugh. This is a real question. Next time you want to huff and puff and blow the roof down, ask yourself, "Am i really angry or am i hungry?". You can replace hunger with anything else. A lot of times when we think we are angry we are just hungry or tired or bored, and we mix that emotion up with something else.

It is always worth unraveling the source of your anger as it affects how you react to things moving forward. If for example, you know it is because you are hungry, problem solved- eat. If you are tired, shut down and take a break. If you are bored, find something interesting to do.
My point is, save your anger for times when you are really angry and there is something worth getting pissed off at. Otherwise, take a step back, breathe, and save that relationship you might have destroyed.

What do you think?

#MondayMotivation Protect your happy

I know if i wanted to really be grammatically correct, i would have said, 'protect your happiness' but i am using a bit of poetic license so please bear with me.

When people die, they do not take anything with them (that we know of).
They leave their possessions, their ideas, the unfulfilled dreams and the happy memories.
If we truly die alone and have to deal with consequences of things we did and did not do, how come we leave ourselves so vulnerable to others?

Make a decision that your happiness is important, and understand that this does not mean you will never be sad, nor that you will always get what you want, but what it does mean is
- You do not look to others for your joy.
Stop letting partners, colleagues, friends or strangers affect you so much and do not depend on them to make you happy.
- You stand by the stance you take
Be it your choice of what to do, where to go, who to date or views to hold, please be sure that you base this on how you truly feel or what you want, not the dictates of man.

Protect your happy. Guard your heart. Noone has the right to make you sad. Do not give them the satisfaction of seeing you down!

#MondayMotivation Bonang on Staying Focused and Getting what you Want

For today's Monday Motivation, i wanted to s.h.a.r.e something Bonang Matheba, radio and television personality, plus amazing business woman, s.h.a.r.ed with me when she came to Nigeria to co host 'The Future Awards' with Darey.

We were at BLD in Lekki so it was more of a laid back drinks night out with a couple of other media personalities like Ariyike, Toke and Latasha Ngwube but we still had time for a quick chat!

There are several sides to Bonang and i was interested in Bonang the successful mediaprenuer. For me, i wanted to know her tips for staying focused and getting what you want in life, what is in store for her in the future, and of course, you do not sit with Bonang and not get her must-do beauty essentials!

On How To Stay Focused and Get What You Want

Bonang keeps it simple with these three tips

- Don't listen to other people and their negativity. Listen to yourself

- Unlock your mind. It helps you to free yourself 

- Get over what people think about you.

On What Is Next For Her

Bonang is really passionate about conquering the international stage and having a family of her own.

On Her Top Three Beauty Essentials

"Foundation, Lashes long and gorgeous and Black liquid liner"

Her message for her fans in Lagos and indeed, Nigeria

"Thank you. The love has been incredibly overwhelming. Lagos is my favourite city on the continent"

#MondayMotivation There came a king which knew not Joseph

The story of Joseph in the Bible is a well known story.

A boy, hated by his brothers, is eventually sold into slavery and then thrown into jail. But he grows up to become Pharoah's trusted servant.

Joseph's story in itself is full of lessons but if you read a little further, you get to the part of the Bible where it says, "Now there arose up a new king over Egypt, which knew not Joseph".

So picture this. This great man had saved a nation and his family from starvation and was the stuff of legends for a while. But eventually, like it or not, there came a king which knew not Joseph.

This teaches me a few things.

Tell your story

While the name 'Joseph' would have been well known for a generation or two, after a while, it seemed to have faded from main history.

Imagine if we didn't have the story of David and Goliath in the Bible? Imagine if noone ever wrote about the Titanic? Imagine if there was no Elvis museum?

What this tells me is it is not enough to do great things, you must also tell these stories...

Again and Again

Don't just tell it once- tell it again. Say it on radio, say it on television, put it in a book. I am not talking about you yourself getting on these platforms (but if you can why not), I am talking about having a pr and branding strategy that works.

Sometimes your work will speak for itself for years (I mean, see Thor!) but other times, you have to ensure people don't forget you and what you do!

Don't rely on past glory
Aaargh!
This is a big DON'T!
Ever met someone who is only about "I did this" and "I did that" and YES, the things you DID are great for bragging rights (like you know if you DID come up with Facebook or the tag line, "Just Do It") but the danger is resting on that.

What you did is only relevant to us if it relates to what you are DOing as well.

Your past is great and we all pray for an awesome future but our present is exactly that. Present.

Relax
Guess what? No matter how good or unique you are, there'll always be someone else who does what you do. Thought of a great business idea? Awesome. But o look, so have ten other people.

The point is, there will always be space for you, and always someone out there who does not know you.
So what should you do?

Conquer new territories
One thing that amuses me about radio is- there's a new listener every day. Every week I get at least three people who tuned in to my show for the first time, or who are meeting me for the first time.

I see every one who does not know me as a chance to get them to know me. It's like new markets, it's a chance to get them to know you and that way, you channel new things to your show / business.

Imagine this- your favourite cola brand has to remind old customers why they drink x cola, but they have to tell younger ones why they should drink x cola!

You can think of it as scary, but I choose to see it as exciting.

There's a whole new world out there for us to conquer.

Remember, for every new king that knew not (insert your name / brand / business), it's an opportunity to get them to not only know you, but to win them over to your corner!

Go out there and be awesome

#MondayMotivation Work Work Work Work Why?

(Do not read this post without Rihanna's 'Work' mentally nearby).

So I know this is the generation of 'hustiling'. Everyone is working hard, main job and side hustle or running their own business, people glorying in not sleeping and we generally just running ourselves down!

Look, I applied for my first job in secondary school so believe me when I say, working is part survival and part fulfilling something on the inside. We work because we have to, because we want to, and a lot of times, we work because we can.

BUT!
On the flip side is the damage we may be doing to ourselves. Stress, high blood pressure etc, and that silent voice that speaks up when we are 'chilling' to say "so you are now relaxing ba? You better go and work? I'm sure so and so isn't resting at the moment".
So we work some more.

I believe in working hard but working smart. I try to make every decision targeted and specific.

It's awesome to (in Rihanna's voice everybody) work work work work work. It is also awesome to know the four w's of work.

What
What is this for? Is it a step in the right direction purpose wise? What does it bring me? Salary? Contentment? Expression?

You need to the 'what' of what you do!

Who
Who am I doing this for? Who am I going to be if I do this? Who benefits from this? Who is really calling the shots?

Where
Where is this taking me to? Where will I get to if I get on the path?

And for perhaps the most important reason of all-

Why
Why am I doing this? Is it for ME or to satisfy someone or something? 

Be sure that when you say yes to an 'opportunity' or an offer, whether made by someone or from within you, you can actually answer these questions.

#MondayMotivation You can't get it back

I remember one time when I lost my hundred naira. My dad saw me looking distraught and said okay o, here's another hundred.

I was grateful, but I still kept crying.

Why?

Well my theory was, if I had not lost that initial hundred, now I would have two hundred, not hundred.

Uhn?

It made sense to me at the time and upset me. Until I figured, even if my dad gave me another hundred to make it two, then I would only think about how it could have been three.. And on and on. So, hey, Tosyn, free it!

You can't get it back.

I remember this every time I lose something. I ask, "will you rather keep regretting things you can't have or do you want to move on and enjoy what you do have?". Usually it works and I do move on.

Regret is a dangerous street. It brings up the past and offers you pain with no healing. You can't let it suck you in, keep moving till you turn off.

Think of things you've lost- money, jobs, love, whatever. Is thinking about it now bringing it back? Exactly. So keep moving!!!

I hope this helps, and please s.h.a.r.e with me- what is one thing you wish you could get back?

#TBDaily x #MondayMotivation Am i?

It does not matter what you do, one day you will wake up and say (pardon my French), "fukc it, I'm going back to bed".
We all struggle and search for relevance. And get sad or unfufilled when we don't think we are being so.

Someone sent me a message (see image) and I just had to save it! Not because I feel this way now, but I may. One day. And I'd need it to read, right?

If you are feeling in a rut and maybe a little irrelevant today, understand that everyone and everything matters. Find the reason for the job and the bigger picture and you'll be relevant.

One thing to do when that 'what am I doing here' question comes up in relation to work is to ask yourself, "Does my work..."
- help people?
- make people smile?
- make people look beautiful?
- help people feel beautiful?
- solve a problem?
- give people dignity?
- help me, my family, my nation, my friends?

If your job does at least one of these things, then believe me, you are relevant!

#TBDaily Are you really unhappy?

I can't remember what I was doing or when it was but one afternoon I was just sad. You know that sorrow that isn't depression but isn't based on traffic or anything you can put a finger on?

Infact I had to ask myself why I was sad and try as I did, I could not find an answer.

So instead of focusing on this great big sorrow I was feeling, I smiled (physically), and began to thank God for things. I thanked Him for my life, for my family, friends, that I was healthy, that I had a job, a career, a voice, everything!

I had barely gone halfway when I honestly felt that joy bubbling again.

I think sometimes we have a default setting and we have to be careful what that is. Sorrow helps us to feel things but when we wear it around just because, then it becomes a burden we must cast out. I've learnt to ask myself why I'm sad and confess the positive over my life instead.

So next time you are sad, ask yourself If you are truly sad or it is just the devil trying to take your joy away?!